Autobiography

Autobiography

Cover page - CEV
Work Details
Author	Maria Valtorta
Writing	From late February to mid-April 1943
Pages	550
First Italian edition
Title	Autobiografia
Publication	1969
Publisher	Tipografia editrice E. Pisani
French translation 1st edition
Title	Autobiography
Translator	Alain Sauret
Publication	1993
Publisher	Centro Editoriale Valtortiano
2nd edition
Publication	2021
Publisher	Centro Editoriale Valtortiano
ISBN	978-8879873567

In April 1943, Maria Valtorta, then 46 years old and bedridden for 9 years, completed within two and a half months the account of her life, at the request of her confessor.

Keeping a journal or autobiographical account is a relatively common act among mystics and allows us to enter the heart of their spirituality. This is what happens with that of Maria Valtorta. It is her first work except for Cuore di una donna (Heart of a Woman), a manuscript burned at Jesus’ request. This Autobiography recounts her spiritual journey and inaugurates the later series of visions and dictations.

The Blessed Allegra said of this work:

"Maria Valtorta’s Autobiography stands apart from similar works, even those written by saints. It is powerful and original… It is moreover a biblical book, because the drama emerges from things and facts: It is born, I would say, in the character of her mother, who unfortunately had little or nothing of the heart of a wife and mother… Vigorous and very vivid style, abundant and colorful, which perhaps surpasses that of the Gospel as it was revealed to me. Pages rich with thoughts and psychological depth, which help us understand the spiritual physiognomy of Jesus’ spokesperson: Maria Valtorta."

Content

Introduction

"And man awakes to suffering as eagles seek altitude on their flights." (Job 5:7)

What title to give this true story? The title of a flower. But which flower to choose? In the season of my birth, the hawthorn stains the bushes, until then bare, with living snow. Its small flowers, as candid as dove feathers lost in mid-flight, caress the reddish-brown thorns of its branches. In some parts of Italy, the wild hawthorn is called the Crown of Thorns and it is claimed that the Redeemer’s crown of thorns was made from some of its branches which, while torturing the Savior’s flesh then, now carry nests that resonate anew with whispering and love.

At the feet of the hawthorn, a Lenten flower in its garments and Christian in its simplicity, grows the sweet violet... More a scent than a flower... a light yet penetrating scent of a very simple flower, yet tenacious, which accepts everything in order to live and bloom.

I would like to give the story of this life the name of one of these two flowers, particularly that of the violet which lives in the shadow but "knows" that the sun shines on it giving it life and warmth. It knows it even when it cannot see it. It, on its side, perfumes the air, exhaling its whole being in an incense of love, to say thank you. I too, even if I seem to have been forgotten by the eternal Sun, I know — and the soul does not reveal its royal secret — that He, my Sun, watches over me, and with all my being I exhale my heart toward Him to say thank you for having loved me!"

Conclusion

"I have arrived at this shore after many sufferings. But if suffering has been the oar and the sail that allowed me to arrive more quickly to you, my God, who are Peace, Mercy, Love, then, once again, blessed be suffering! And if because of suffering, I who am nothing have become someone in your eyes, my God, may you be blessed once again for the suffering you gave me as your greatest gift.

My soul praises you, O Lord, and rejoices in you who wished to cast a benevolent gaze on the nothingness that I am and make it an instrument of good for other nothings like me. Blessed be you, Lord, my Savior, who freed me from all my enemies, covered me with your mercy, nourished me with your love, supported me, pardoned me, taught me, consoled me, for you have become my friend and relative, my master and my physician.

You granted me to know you for what you truly are, the only true God, and to know the one you sent, Jesus Christ, and for this grace I wish to say thank you, with all the beats of my heart and for all eternity, but that will never be enough, because knowing you and loving you, O God, is such a good that no gratitude is adequate.

You allowed me to speak of you to a great number of creatures you entrusted to me, and for that also; thank you my God! For these people, for all those I have loved, known, guided, and who have with me ties of blood or simple human brotherhood, I have prayed and suffered, O God, so that all may enter where, trusting in your mercy, I have faith of entering your eternal kingdom. Even now, as I die, I pray for them and once again I offer you my life. You, Father, protect them from the danger of losing you, you who are the only true God. I pray for them, Lord, and for all the poor souls who do not know where the sure path is, the true path, the light that never dies.

Oh! Lord, I would like to have thousands upon thousands of lives to offer you all, holy Father, as a bouquet of holocausts in confession of the good of the world.

You see, O Father, this is a cry rising from the depths of my mind and rising like incense and an arrow to the foot of your throne, O my God. Do not look, O Lord, at the lowliness of your servant, but look at her desire to love you, look at her generosity to suffer to be a seed of good in hearts that have become sterile. Multiply the beats of my heart and at every beat add a suffering and, with suffering, the strength to suffer. It is to you, holy Father, that I ask for this strength, which you alone can give us, miserable creatures.

And because of my hidden sacrifice of every moment, O Father, give me crowds of souls to offer you. Lead them forward and me too in the light, in your light, and when for us the time is fulfilled, open for us, O God, the gates of your kingdom and the gates of your heart so that for eternity we may delight in you, almighty, eternal, and triune God.."

Summary of the Work

p. 15 - "And man awakes to suffering as eagles seek altitude on their flights" (Job 5:7). It is a true story that could bear the name Violet.

First part

p. 17 -' "...Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little loves little,' (Luke 7:47-48). Why and how she tells her life—Birth in Caserta and nursemaid—Character traits—Move to Faenza when she was eighteen months old—Relationship with her parents—Death of maternal grandfather—Move to Milan in September 1901.

p. 31 - First encounter.

At kindergarten at four and a half years old, at the Ursulines on Lanzone street in Milan—First encounter with God and desire to become like Him, crucified by love—Whooping cough, she must leave Ursuline school.

p. 36 - My Pentecost

At the Marcellines in October 1904—Success at exams, vices and virtues—The que-boux-que-boux fair at Saint Ambrose square in Milan—Duty and love—Death of maternal grandmother—First confession on March 18, 1904—Preparation for Confirmation, celebrated by Cardinal Ferrari on May 30, 1905.

p. 53 - The men who were my friends

Friends of her father, officers and soldiers, and some others, including servants—Episode of the troubled schoolgirl. Respect for innocents. Slow but progressive response to God's call.

p. 65 - My friends the things

Familiarity with animals—Love of flowers, nature, and art.

Second part

p. 71 - "Those who weep are those who know" (Ruysbroeck) It is during Lent that she experienced the main events that marked her life—At home, love and suffering are linked.

p. 72 - Papa’s suffering

The father is betrayed by a colleague who steals the patent for a new weapon—The father is broken by the restless character of his wife, who continuously makes scenes—She cannot forgive because she cannot forget the harm done to her father.

p. 83 - Voghera

Move to Voghera in September 1907—Transition to public school with excellent results and life amid nature—She attends French class at the Sisters Adorers of the Most Holy Sacrament, who reconnect her with God—First communion at Casteggio, first Sunday of October 1908—Jesus resumes his work of seduction in her—Her mother’s brother returns from France; his life story—She enters supplementary school (equivalent to fifth, fourth, and third grades) where she suffers bullying from an unfair principal, while at home the presence of the sick uncle leads to her entry to the college.

p. 97 - At college

She enters college on March 4, 1909, broken inside but proud in the face of an unjust decision—First days at Bianconi College in Monza, with kind nuns and affectionate classmates. First successes at school, except in mathematics—Visit from her parents ten days later. Suffered with dignity—Different human ways of suffering and the character of the “Valtortino”—The well-ordered life of the college, where she feels at ease and well accepted—Studies done at college.

p. 116 - "… Sure only the one who has firm faith in Christ".

At college her soul turns again towards God—Religious practice at college—Resumption of dialogue with Jesus who teaches her—Her reading at college and first contact with Saint Thérèse of the Child Jesus—First vows and first offerings in the desire of identification with Jesus—Devotions of Marian piety—She sleeps with a crucifix—Her little human sufferings at college—Great suffering for her father’s illness—Falls that begin causing damage to her spine. Premonitions during sleep—Her spinal pains denied by medical examination and the last college year.

p. 139 - “I bless you, Father, because you hid these things from the wise and revealed them to little ones” (Mt 11:25; Lk 10:21).

Last spiritual exercises at college, in November 1912; the different reactions of the schoolgirls. Theory on plenary indulgence of love. Revealing insight on her future, where she would offer God not innocent love but penitent love, in the example of Mary Magdalene, and the secret martyrdom of the heart—Her vocation must be fulfilled in the world, not in the cloister—It is with a torn heart that she leaves college on February 23, 1913—Now begins for her the hard ordeal of living with her terrible mother.

Third part

p. 161 - Florence

Recognition of a soul that has been forgiven and saved by God is certainly superior to that of a soul preserved from evil—Arrival in Florence in March 1913; new dwelling, city visits, daily rhythm, courageous devotions, trouble due to a bad friendship—Other tenants of the building and Mario’s family—Encounter with Roberto. Silent exchanges of love. Destroying and profaning anger of her mother—Her transformation in God throughout this situation which is so unhappy that it arouses in her the desire to die—Care of Mario who is like a brother—Under Dante’s influence, she discovers the vocation to lead others to good by personal example—She retreats from the path of good to slip into despair, the saddest of miseries, and experiences temptation of the flesh and suicide—News of Roberto’s death at war, who will remain forever her only love as a woman, and her journey toward God after human experiences—Importance of dreams, account of the most important dream of her life, during which Jesus absolves and blesses her, and its beneficial consequence on temptations. In a reply to Father Migliorini she clarifies concepts of forgiveness and judgment. She shows the love she has for her mother. She speaks of the love due to animals—She sees Jesus, but is deprived of all human comfort.

p. 209 - My cousin and my uncle

With cousin Giuseppina and her two little cousins, whom she hosts in Viareggio—Invisible presences in the house on Humbert I^er street in Viareggio, where séances had been practiced—In Florence in November 1917, she becomes a Samaritan nurse; her days at the military hospital and care of the wounded—Cousin and uncle leave after a dispute with mother—Mario’s return, attentive and pious, leads her again towards God, but he starts to look at her differently—Her character is passionate, or rather passionate, but not sensual—She tries to persuade Mario to give up the idea of marriage, also due to maternal prohibition—Mario realizes her penances and urges her to frequent the Sacraments more—After catching the “Spanish flu” with her mother, she offers her life so that the peace signed on November 4, 1918, may last.

p. 231 - 1919

She sees her health decline, desires to leave the world, and must give up hospital service—Cousin Clotilde arrives in Florence. She goes with her to Turin then to Monza—She happily returns to college, where she is received coldly and practically rejected—New sufferings push her toward God—Mario’s explicit marriage proposal is rejected by her mother. She agrees to this request after talking with the Colonel and seeking advice from three persons—Her prayer is still very human. Mario’s visit acting as her fiancé—On March 17, 1920, she is violently struck in the kidneys and suffers terribly for three months, but resigns herself to die as she trusts in God’s mercy. It is a resignation she now considers surpassed and absorbed in total love of God—By a stratagem, her mother causes interruption of all contact with Mario and leads her to Montecatini until her departure for Reggio Calabria in September—

p. 260 - Calabria

In Reggio Calabria, where she arrives on October 10, 1920, and where she stays in her cousins’ hotels, she immerses herself in the marvelous local nature but thinks of Mario. Attacked by regrets, she takes refuge in God—Cousins and their difficulties with mother—Clotilde’s books and the great benefit from reading Fogazzaro’s novel The Saint, which pushes her into the ocean of divine mercy—Her father’s obstinacy. Return of parents to Florence. Mario’s postcard—While her physical health deteriorates, her psychic life grows stronger to the point of feeling the union that binds her to Mario. She receives a letter from Mario’s aunt—Unbearable joy due to Mario’s visit and their wedding plan—She writes the news to her mother, who reacts violently, then acts with cunning and succeeds in breaking the engagement—Arrival of a naval officer who by chance reports Mario’s downfall—Pain caused by Mario’s betrayal and memory of his letters—Her love for God grows and rekindles fervor towards Saint Francis, but a certain modesty prevents her from entering immediately the Franciscan tertiary order, as she prefers to take time to prepare her soul, where Christ continually sows, until He Himself lives in her.

p. 291 - Return to Florence

Forced to leave the peace of Reggio Calabria, where she had regained flourishing health, she returns to her parents in Florence on August 2, 1922—She faces again her mother’s ways who tries this time to send her to work, but her health begins deteriorating again—Chance encounter with Mario, who is in a lamentable state. She searches for excuses for him inwardly—Her journey toward God, insensitive to maternal objections, and the happy discovery of the Gospel according to Saint Luke leads her to gentle visions and a definitive entry into the supernatural.

Fourth part

p. 303 - “Offering oneself to Love is offering oneself to all sufferings” (St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus).

Difference between human love and divine love. Jesus’ tactic to take possession of her. Blessed be suffering which gave her peace—Imperfections of her first offering of 1923—After conquering the soul of an elderly lady, her spirit opens to a program of penance and she risks being considered mad by her family—Move to Viareggio in September 1924.

p. 310 - “Living an act of perfect love” (St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus).

Offering oneself to love is offering oneself to suffering, according to St. Thérèse of the Child Jesus’ teaching—New life lived in Viareggio and grace of having the house she desired—After reading Story of a Soul by the little Saint Thérèse she formulates the act of offering to merciful Love, imitating Mary Magdalene in her impulsiveness. She feels growing in her the desire to sacrifice herself for love, tasting the joy of being a victim—Jesus acts in her—She desires to enter the company of Saint Paul but is prevented by her health, always more troubled by heavy household tasks and her mother’s selfishness, whose imaginary ailments she must care for. Therefore, she must content herself with the crumbs of a hidden but love-rich apostolate—She wants to enter Catholic Action but is rejected—On Palm Sunday 1927, she responds with sacrifice of self-love to the ingratitude of a family she nursed a young son who risked losing his life, and is rewarded by the Lord in a bath of love that frees her from the remains of her humanity, plunging her into a thirst for immolation—She decides to enter the Franciscan tertiary order—In Cremona, 1929, she learns of Catholic Action in her parish and sees worsening heart troubles—The value of sacrifice for the generous soul and the importance she gives it are certainties that soften all suffering and disappointment—Finally, she is admitted into Catholic Action, where she gathers first successes as a cultural delegate for young girls.

p. 334 - Summer 1930.

Her worship for the Passion of the Lord and for the Holy Trinity, especially toward the first and third Persons—Terrible suffering experienced on Good Friday 1930—A boarder, passing by, practices spiritism; she senses him at a distance and combats him with the crucifix.

p. 309 - “I want you to become Victim of divine Justice as well as the relief of my Love.”

She meets Benigna Consolata Ferrero—She pronounces the three vows, overcoming obstacles posed by a priest (and she speaks of priests who are not saints) and her mother who makes absurd marriage plans for her—Her habit of writing meditations. Her role as ecclesiastical assistant of Catholic Action and the opposition she endures. The priceless value she gives to the Gospel—She deepens her knowledge of Sister Benigna and discovers great affinities with her, as well as with little Saint Thérèse—She prepares for her second offering with some fears and does penance, but feels God needs her—Opposition from the leaders of the Catholic Action Association, where she gives increasingly successful lectures—Premonitory warning of danger and her proposal — which is rejected — to invite members to sacrifice—Agitation following the suppression of Catholic Action circles—A few days after enduring a blood agony, with premonitory warnings of future events, on July 1, 1931, she makes her offering to divine Justice and becomes “Maria of the Cross”.

p. 374 - “I still must receive a Baptism, and what anguish until it is accomplished!” (Lk 12:50)

Now begins for her the hour of Gethsemane that will last ten years; she senses the arrival of a future tragedy, her health worsens, she endures bullying in the family and covetousness in the Association, suffering the absence of divine comfort, incomprehension from doctors and priests—On January 4, 1932, she feels unwell from risk of asphyxiation and sees her guardian angel, then normally gives her lecture at the Association’s circle.

Fifth part

p. 385 - “When I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw all people to myself.” (Jn 12:32)

She plays a “mother” role for young Catholic Action members and knows the art of understanding hearts. Injustices endured from leaders. Sacrifice of her self-love—Marta Diciotti’s mother and encounter with Gemma Galgani—She opens a parenthesis to reply to Father Migliorini; about penitent souls who support priests, about Jesus’ action who filled her soul with His presence thus avoiding assaults of evil, about suffering as a trial willed by God and the peace ensuing, about abandonment to God—Suffering Jesus experiences before souls’ defections—Dreams and premonitory warnings about the present situation—When she gives her lecture on Saint Joan of Arc she feels very ill and must be escorted home where she suffers various bullying, but understands she is heading toward paralysis and, since her love has grown, is called to suffer more—The last Mass she attends in Church, followed by a long Eucharistic fast—Love and nostalgia for nature—On January 4, 1933, her cloistered life begins, desired by her desire for immolation and comforted by the Lord’s promises—She begins receiving visits then, after other troubles and incorrect treatments, on April 1, 1934, she is completely paralyzed—Period of intense transport of love—Crucifix statue remains in her room throughout Lent—Her insistent requests for love and suffering and the tearing torment endured on Good Friday 1934 nail her on the Cross.

Sixth part

p. 431 - “Whoever loves his life loses it; and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (…) And what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour! But for this I have come to this hour” (Jn 12:25,27)

Different reactions endured when becoming completely paralyzed, attraction of the Communion of Saints, joy with which she accepts her infirmity—Temptations to believe her prayers useless and departure of her attending physician—Confident mission of the “violet” and the “instrument”—Change of doctor and incorrect treatments, demonic persecution allowed by God as proof of love and pact to offer agonies in exchange for souls—She has a severe congestion and receives viaticum. Her state is very bad due to contradictory diagnoses, but eventually finds the right physician. She renounces healing confessing other sick people because her mission is to suffer—An inner voice warns her about all she writes—Her mother, who catches bronchopneumonia, constantly shows intolerance and torments her husband whose physical troubles worsen—On February 2, 1935 symptoms of paresis appear, she is happy about them and makes a solemn pact for the redemption of souls—She providentially wins a prize—She becomes an apostle of suffering in the Apostleship of Prayer. She understands some deviations of sick women, as she endures troubles in the flesh—She dreams of Marta Diciotti’s mother. Marta’s home—She gives details about her condition regarding ovarian disease and prepares to speak about a very painful event.

Seventh part

p. 469 - The death of my Father

She recalls the last days of her father’s life, who died June 30, 1935—Her great suffering, close to madness, and her mother’s reactions—Indiscretions of two maids and investigations on Mario, although she saw his death in a dream—Her mother’s paranoia symptoms and her father’s will—The unfinished book and the mixture in the soup.

p. 492 - “Give without hope of return” (Lk 6:35)

The good she works without receiving anything in return, especially towards her mother who drives away friends and does not love her daughter—She takes on the illness of a dying child to save a father from despair—Charity covering faults. Suffering offered to support the events of the War. Grace of small comforts given to the humble violet who loves thorns—A period of terrible temptations not always conquered but always useful—The little flowers are God’s favorites—The hours of Gethsemane and the Office of Victims; colloquy with the crucified Christ—A promise from the Desolate.

p. 511 - 1940–1942.

Prayers for peace and premonitory warnings of the War—Lack of spiritual assistance—Correspondence with spiritualist cousin and his “message”—God’s loving guidance who, to make her progress in life, used all means, even those of other religions which still have some reflection of the true religion—Faults in the area of purity, sensitivity to sin, nature of her love toward God—Beatifying visit of Love—Apostolate in sickness. The secret to identifying with Christ. Slavery of love and self-giving—Necessity and usefulness of imperfections. God’s goodness and trust in Him—Again about the irreplaceable value of the Gospel, especially to be able to love suffering—She realized the mystical dream of her youth—Sincerity of the account of her life and the song of her soul.

Annexes

p. 541 - To be attached to my Autobiography

p. 543 - Maria Valtorta and her work

Notes and references

Note: Quotations from the work of Maria Valtorta on this page currently use machine-translated text and will gradually be replaced by the official English translation. Until then, the official translation may be consulted through the reference link provided with each quotation.

Person who presents themselves to a priest to confess their sins and have them forgiven by God by receiving the sacrament of penance (or reconciliation).

Layperson (laic) living in the world but following the rules of life of a particular religious order.